Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
