I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
