she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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