can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
