Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
