I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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