I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
