we need to drink 2009 down the drain
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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