she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
