Banned from zoo.
Again?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
