he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
