Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
