i permit you to call me
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You made out with two different species that night
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
