I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
