waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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