I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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