I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
