He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
