I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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