We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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