And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
