is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
