Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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