Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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