porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We're too hungover to prance.
How does it feel to date your dad?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
