I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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