i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
