We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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