I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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