.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
