that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
