In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
