What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
