I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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