Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
