my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Randomize
