it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
