If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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