I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
