be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
