I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
