I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
then he tried to convert me to islam
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
