your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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