Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
