They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I will pee on everything he values.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
