I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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