why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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