Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
