I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i've created a new STD.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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