Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
