I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
