the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
