WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
