ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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