hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
