do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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