3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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