I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
