i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
