Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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