I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
