I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
