i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
