you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
