I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize