dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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