you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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