I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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