I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
