Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
