Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize