I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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