she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
