Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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