I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
