Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
