In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize