You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize