Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
