How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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